I’m Married And Cheating

Jennifer Lee Woods April 9, 2022 Marriage 43 Comments

Did you ever think you would be married and cheating on your spouse? But you are. So now what? Before we get to that, we need to go back and figure out what lead you to this point. Then we can figure out what you’re going to do moving forward.

There’s several reasons why people cheat on their partners. Some reasons are small and superficial, others are bigger and deeper rooted.

I myself have never cheated on anyone. Yes, I have come close, who hasn’t? However, I know of A LOT of people that have. Whether it’s a one time event, cheating for months, cheating multiple times with different people, etc. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen all the scenarios.

What is cheating? Cheating is when you are emotionally or physically unfaithful to your partner that you’re in an exclusive relationship with.

So, why are you cheating on your partner or spouse? Are you emotionally cheating, sexually cheating, or both? It can be one reason or several. Men and women are different. Women usually cheat when their emotional needs aren’t being met. Whereas, men usually cheat when their sexual needs aren’t being met. Either reason is equally bad. Let’s look at them all so you can see which ones apply to you.

Communication. This is the #1 reason. If you haven’t been able to communicate your feelings to your partner after several attempts, you feel as though your feelings don’t matter to them. Being open about the good and the bad, feeling safe to express that and be heard.
Desire. We all have desires. Some people meet someone else and they just simply put, have the desire to be intimate with someone else and they act on it. If you feel like your partner isn’t meeting your needs sexually you will look for someone else to meet those needs.
Anger. Did your partner do something to you that made you so angry you want to hurt them back? Did they cheat on you? Have they been letting you down for years you just got fed up? Are they never around for you?
Compatibility. Do you not have anything in common with that person, but thought you did? Are you having buyers remorse? Do you wish you didn’t marry that person?
Fell Out Of Love. Have you fallen out of love with your partner? Are all your feelings toward that person gone and now you’ve looked for love and companionship in someone else?
Work. Do you work in an environment where there is a lot of physical touch with others? Are you constantly around mainly men or mainly women? Do you travel all the time for your job?
Emotional Needs. Are your emotional needs not being met by your partner? Is your partner not interested in what you think or feel? Have you looked to someone else to fulfill that? Do you now have that with someone else?
Sexual Needs. Is your partner not interested in sex anymore, but you are? Is your partner never home to meet your sexual needs? Is your sexual desire much more than your partners?
Boredom. Is your relationship/marriage boring? Is your partner boring? Do you always need the “thrill” feeling? Do they not like to do anything? Go anywhere? Do you not share the same enjoyment of sports, festivals, concerts, parties?
Body Image. Is your partner not attractive anymore? Did they let themselves go physically and you’re not turned on by them anymore? Do they not care how they look, act, dress? Has that turned you off?

Now that we have figured out the why, let’s figure out what your options are moving forward.

Are you planning on ending your affair? Do you even want to end it?
What if your partner finds out? Will they leave you?
Do you still want to be married? If you do then you need to end your affair immediately. All contact in every way.
Have you fallen in love with the person you are having an affair with? How do they feel about you?
Can you commit to seeing a counselor about why you’ve cheated? There’s a reason why you did this, getting to the root cause can prevent you from doing it again.
Are you going to tell your spouse? Have you considered the ramifications if they find out? What it will do to them as well as your children if you have kids?
Have you considered marriage counseling?

I’m not here to judge you in anyway, or tell you what to do. However, your actions will have deep impacts on your spouse. Whether you tell them, they find out another way, or you continue your affair and live a lie. Let me ask you this. How would you feel if your spouse was doing this to you? Would it kill you? Crush you? Ruin you? Destroy you? If you answered yes to any of those then you need to make a decision and NOW!.

” Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you”.

Do you need more help? Email me at info@balancinglove.com or bring specific questions you need advice or answers on to our forum at, “Ask Jen”.