Balancing Love

“Dating With A Mask On”

hiding the real you, hiding who you are

You’re single. Possibly out there on some dating apps, going out on the weekends with your single friends and you have a mask on, don’t you? Are you hiding who you really are?

When I’ve been single and out meeting people, I see this time and time again. No, when I’m in a relationship I don’t really go out without my guy. I do dinners, maybe a happy hour once every couple of months with friends but other wise, If I go out I want to go out with him. I am a watcher and I also see women and how they interact with men and it saddens me to see people trying to be someone they’re not.

Listen, dating is so hard and can get so discouraging when you feel like you can’t meet anyone. However, being someone you’re not is not the way to go. Eventually they will see the real you, what you’re really like and see all you did was put on a façade to hook them. For some reason you’re hiding the real you. I met a guy once, very nice, funny, most of the boxes were checked off for me of what I’m looking for in a guy. We talked a lot on the phone. I liked him. So, we go on a date. He picks me up in an old school hot rod car and proceeds to belt me in with a 5-point harness. I thought, oh boy here we go, haha. The plan was to go out to dinner, he said I’m picking the place, were going to a nice Italian restaurant, I love Italian btw. So instead he takes me to the mall parking lot and does donuts in the parking lot for 45min. Umm ok! I didn’t say anything I let him have his fun. Where it went from bad to worse was how he went on and on about how he only eats at the nicest restaurants, makes so much money, yada yada, then he says, I’m hungry now let’s go eat, I’m thinking yea buddy you really worked up an appetite, didn’t you?

We pulled into the Olive Garden. Now I don’t care where I go to dinner, you can take me to Wendy’s for all I care I don’t need to be WOW’ed by a fancy restaurant, however, his mistake was the depths he went to to make it sound like he would only put the best of the best food in his mouth. What a turn off. Just be honest and say we’re going to the Olive Garden and don’t give all the extra fluff. Done.

During dinner, he talked all about his business he owns, what he does there, I don’t even think I talked for more than a total of 10 minutes in the almost 2 hours we were there. Does anyone see what he has been doing thus far on our date? He’s over compensating for something, but what? As our dinner progress’ he’s telling me about his father and how he works with him, how they don’t get along, etc. So, the short of it was that he didn’t ask me one thing to get to know me, NOT ONE. He literally talked about himself the entire time. We leave, he goes to drop me off, asks to come in, UM NO not happening, I don’t do that. We talked a few more times after that, but it didn’t go anywhere. Come to find out his father owned the business and he lived with his parents. What’s sad was at the time of this date, all the lies he told me in the short amount of time we were getting to know each other, none of those things mattered to me. But the fact that he couldn’t be honest was a deal breaker. Major turn off. Just be you. Yes, going on dates is nerve racking, but don’t lie about who you really are. Especially don’t lie about what you do for a living, who cares what you do? I live in a small town where everyone either knows everyone or you know someone that knows that person. As my grandmother always used to tell me, shit always floats.

I love to read. One of my favorite books was, “Are You A Badass” by Jen Sicero. The book teaches you how to stop doubting your greatness, in all aspects of your life. It’s a MUST read! It will help you uncover why you feel the need to hide the real you.

Ask yourself this question, “how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?” Your getting to know someone, you’re starting to be interested in that person and you find out their not being honest with who they are? I mean if you can’t be honest about those things, what else can you not be honest about? Doesn’t really feel good does it? If you have to lie about what you do for a living, talk about all the money you have, or feel like you have to overcompensate because you feel like that person wont be interested in you then THEY ARE NOT A GOOD FIT FOR YOU PERIOD!! You need to reevaluate yourself and figure out why you feel like you have to have a mask on, why you have to hide the real you? I can promise you, there is someone out there that will love that you clean toilets for an elementary school, or that your still in school trying to further your education, or don’t have a job because you are pursing your dream to be a writer. Take the mask off, stop hiding the real you and just be plain ole’ you, someone will fall in love with just that.

Do you have specific questions you need answers to? Bring it to the forum at “Ask Jen”

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