Single Parent Discipling, What Works And What Doesn’t?

Are you a single parent? Is your kids father or mother not in their life? Are you divorced? Are you trying to figure out what single parent discipling is all about?

If you answered yes, this article is for you then.

I will tell you, I thought I had all the answers, I had a plan, I was gonna execute it and it was just going to flow so perfectly just like the wind blowing through my hair on a summer day…. NOT. I will tell you literally nothing not one single thought, plan, anything has gone the way I thought it was going to. It all got thrown out the window.

Unfortunately, my ex-husband and I are not even in the same galaxy when it comes to discipling our kids. I do things my way…the right way ha-ha, and he does it his way. I’m the mom, I’m always right and he’s always wrong, sound familiar? He thinks I’m not strict enough with them, that I don’t have enough rules. Since I have them 90% of the time I do what works for us.

What has been the most challenging thing for me to navigate is how to be the mom and the dad. I don’t have someone backing me up. I am not my kid’s friends, they have enough of those. They need a parent, a good parent. It’s my job to make them decent human beings, to be kind, handle conflict, not turn into spoiled brats. I have 3 kids, with 3 different personalities. My kids couldn’t be more different, they don’t even look like each other. They fight all the time. They even fight with each other when their playing Roblox, they go into the game and fight on the street inside the app. We went biking the other day and almost the whole time we were out they fought about who was going to lead, why they didn’t want to go last, who was going too slow. I thought, dear god help me, can’t they just get along for like 30 freakin seconds?

I have definitely coddled my kids due to our divorce. Single parent discipling has been the biggest challenge for me. I feel guilty they have parents that aren’t together anymore. It’s not their fault. Some behaviors I take more of a laid-back approach. What has really worked for me is consistency and structure. When I fail, I try again, over and over and over.

My 8yr. old son I have down pat. Yelling doesn’t work for him. Talking calmly and pointing out what he did wrong works. When he’s done something really bad he goes to his room. Now at 8 yrs. old he knows when he needs a break and says, I’m going to my room for private time” and that’s ok. I don’t let him stay in there long, I don’t think keeping a child alone in their room for hours in isolation is the right thing to do, theres no lessons taught there.

My middle daughter whose 9yrs. old is completely different. For her raising my voice works when she doesn’t listen. She now knows when I raise my voice she’s in deep shit. The good thing is my yelling voice scares her. It never gets bad enough where I have to send her to her room.

My oldest the 11yr. old, is the hardest. She’s my “Minnie Me”, literally in every way. I think it’s the most challenging disciplining yourself.

I subscribed to, “The Positive Parenting Solutions Website” they hooked me with a Facebook post, “Are you yelling at your kids”? Guess who bought the lifetime subscription so I could always access all the articles? I got so much from them. There’s sections on divorce, how to get your kids to listen without yelling, which I got a lot out of because I always see parents yelling at their kids and I always say, please don’t let me be that kind of mom.

Here is some things that have worked for my family:

1. Routine. I have a set schedule for AM and PM. My kids know their roles. They get up, they get 30min. on their Ipads, if it’s during the week it’s cereal or waffles. On weekends I make breakfast. They clean up their plates, I’m not the unpaid maid, sorry. They brush their teeth, make their beds, get dressed, and I do hair. After school, they come home, chill out for 30min, then do homework. I come home from work and start dinner. After dinner, again, they clean up after themselves, (plates in sink, etc) I do all the dishes from there. Bed time is 8:30 period!
2. Communication. We talk about everything. No and I mean No topic is off the table in my house. Remember I’m the mom and the dad. My son tells me everything, probably too much, but that’s how I want it. If we have issues or problems amongst siblings that happen outside of the house, it gets discussed at the dinner table, all members present. I also use this time to reinforce the rules of the house, so no one forgets.
3. Praise. We do a lot of this in our house. Praising each other for being kind, sharing, helping each other out creates an atmosphere amongst each other of gratitude. I want my kids to be thankful, thankful of each other and appreciation of what their family does for them out of love not because they are going to get something out of it.

Do you have ideas that have worked well for your family? Do you need ideas from others? Bring it to the forum at, “Ask Jen”.