I Think I Want A Divorce, Maybe?

Jennifer Lee Woods December 29, 2021 Divorce 46 Comments

Has the day come? Have you gone back and forth with this question for a long time? Are you still on the fence? Have you tried all that you can to keep your marriage together?

I remember the day I woke up and knew my marriage was over. My ex husband and I had not slept in the same bed for months. When I woke up on this morning, he was laying there next to me, which felt so foreign to see. I rolled over, looked at him and felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. Years of back and forth disagreements, many upon many “talks”, countless promises of change, letdowns, disappointments, and an ocean of tears lead me this this somber morning.

I’m not sure how you are but I am the kind of person that will do anything to keep what I have. I don’t take the easy road for anything. I will allow myself to get stomped on before I throw in the towel. Because for me, love is a sacrifice. A sacrifice of everything you ever believed to be true and real. Taking a step back, checking yourself, constantly asking yourself is this fight really worth fighting over?

I will have talk after talk after talk to make things right. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I can’t hide my emotions. If I’m happy you will know it, and like wise if I’m not.

I grew up Catholic. I was an altar server. I went to church on Sundays. I went to Catholic school from elementary school through college. My belief and what I was taught of marriage was simple, “The person you marry is the person you will be with until death”.

Many people ask me, how bad was it? I always say, the good was so good, but the bad was so bad, it overshadowed any good. Does that make sense?

I wouldn’t wish divorce on anyone. Divorce has to be your absolute LAST option. You chose to give your life to someone, and they the same to you. You absolutely owe it to that person to try EVERY SINGLE THING you can to keep your marriage. Whether it’s sitting down with your partner and telling them exactly how you feel about your feelings, your marriage, whatever it is. If that doesn’t work the next step is marriage counseling. The only way marriage counseling will work is if you BOTH are 100% committed to it.

What I have found through other men and women that are unhappy in their marriages is when one person brings their issues to the other, the other Yes’ them, agrees to make changes, express’ their concerns and then nothing happens from there. The cycle of unhappiness continues. Nothing ever gets resolved. Cheaters keep cheating, liars keep lying, sadness turns to anger, and disappointment results in resentment. It just becomes a matter of time before someone says, “I’m done”.

I’m here to tell you, everything you think about what your divorce will look like, won’t. You will think it will go this way or that way. What you have put in your mind will NOT go that way. It will get nasty, ugly, and to a point where you will look at your partner and not even know who they are or what they have become. Divorce is like being thrown in and out of an erupting volcano. So again ask yourself, “Have I done everything humanly possible to save my marriage”?

If you have children, your kids will forever be changed. Your family will be broken, they will be broken, some will recover, some won’t. I have 3 children, my two daughters are fine, my son, is not, and its been 5 years. How you are, how you treat your ex, how you treat your children while you are going through the divorce process will set the stage as to how your kids will be.

You and your partner can say you will/want to do things a certain way between yourselves and with your kids, but it will change 20x. I see people going through a divorce become monsters to each other and to their kids. Kids see everything. They feed off of us. If you think they won’t be affected by you and your partner and how you are to each other your a moron. I’ve seen parents fight verbally, physically in front of their kids. Parents fighting with each other about custody, one has plans and the ex won’t take the kids, or there’s one parent doing all the sporting events, another parent who can’t be bothered with their kids now that their single again. It’s sickening. Regardless of how I feel about my ex husband or the choices he makes, I NEVER speak badly about him with my children around. He is their father and always will be. We created them together.

Be an adult, since you are one remember? I highly doubt your 16 and reading this. Your choices all result in an action. Taking the high road for your children will always be the way to go. Keeping your mouth shut, not speaking negatively to others about your ex, unless it’s to your very close friends and family will speak volumes to your children in the long run. Remember your kids didn’t ask for this, you did. Do it right, try to do it respectfully.

If you have specific questions that you want answered, go to “Ask Jen”.

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