Am I Ever Going To Meet “The One”

Jennifer Lee Woods August 21, 2020 Divorce 429 Comments

If that title caught your attention my guess is you’re feeling very defeated in your personal life right now. You’re probably asking yourself, am I ever going to meet “The One”? Why can’t I find Mr.Mrs. Right? Unfortunately, none of us has the magic ball that we can look into to see who we will be spending our lives with, but wouldn’t that be great though, boy I would have made some changes on some of the guys I dated lol.

Every single person that’s out in the dating world asks themselves these questions. I don’t know what I’m doing, I can’t find the right one, why? There’s no good guys out there. All women are psychos. I should move to another city and start over. I’ve heard this so many times. Personally, I think there’s someone for everyone. Unfortunately, you have to weed out the bad apples to find that perfect piece of fruit.

So how do we do that? Here’s where you have to put that back on you and ask yourself what are you doing to keep yourself from finding the right one. I’m a list person. I make lists for everything, my phone calls, my tasks, my goals, my finances, everything. When I write things out I can work through them better and it frees up space in my mind. Most men would say, yea I’m not writing a list about this, but no one will see you. It’s not like you’re sharing your list with a buddy so just get out a damn pen and paper and write these questions down.

How are you looking to meet people? Are you making yourself available? Are you being too nit picky? The tough answer, if you’re super picky and not really open to meeting new people, you will probably be alone for the rest of your life. You can’t expect to find the perfect person because they do not exist. We all have flaws, including yourself. So if you keep finding superficial flaws with every person you meet your not going to find “your” person because of some other reason you’re really not ready.

Are you truly open to meeting someone? Sometimes we have to push past and beyond the unrealistic fantasy idea that while your in the produce section at your grocery store your going to bump into “your person” while picking out oranges. So what are you doing? Are you going to happy hours around town? Are you open to dating websites? I meet so many people that say, oh no, I live in a small town I’m not putting myself on a dating site. We all work, some of us have children and by the time we are done with their extra curricular activities that doesn’t leave any time to parade around to happy hours, etc. Do you work out at a gym? I think that’s a great place to meet someone.

Do you use dating apps? I suggest more than 1, widen your search, use 3 dating sites. There’s Match.com and eHarmony to name a few.

Are you open to your friends setting you up with people? This is my favorite. Most aren’t, but it’s a shame if you don’t because your friends know you best. They know what your interests are, and most likely know what your looking for in a partner. What’s the worst that can happen, you’re not interested, so what? No harm no foul. Chat with that person, text, whatever. Then meet just for coffee, keep it simple so in the event you’re not interested and they’re not you’re type you didn’t invest a lot of time.

Do you keep going to the same bars to meet people? Widen your search, get out of your comfort zone. I’m a creature of habit, in the town where I live I always go to the same places, that’s not good because the same people go to the same places. I’m probably not going to meet someone that I don’t already know. There’s so many places for you to go to socialize. Now what I do is, I pick a new place to go to every week and it’s so fun, I wish I did it sooner.

What’s something fun you like to do? I love working out so I spend most of my free time at my gym. The gym is a great place to meet someone. You see them at their worst when their covered in sweat, which some people find very hot BTW, so if you’re interested in someone after you see them at their worst at the gym then you know you have at least one thing in common and that’s fitness.

Do you keep dating or going for the same type of person and each time it either fizzles out or doesn’t work out? Then ask yourself, YES guys, make a list of commonalities, do you always go for a player, someone that plays games? Someone that’s hard to get? Someone that resembles your ex in some way? Someone that’s toxic? Let’s be honest their your ex for a reason, going for the same type of person hasn’t gotten you anywhere has it? The front windshield is big for a reason and your rearview mirror is very small. Leave that in the past, behind you, and note the qualities or characteristics or similarities and make sure the next person you meet doesn’t have those same qualities. That’s how you break the cycle. Maybe it’s a certain build, or maybe it’s a line of work they do. You need to look back on the previous people you’ve dated, make a list and see which ones worked out, which ones didn’t and why?

Your “person” isn’t going to knock and your front door and say, “I’m here”. I firmly believe you’re not going to meet the “one” until you’re ready. If your holding onto your past, holding onto an ex, not being true to yourself, not in a healthy place inside you’re head, it’s just got going to happen. We are all creatures of habit but until we get off the hamster wheel and make the proper changes you won’t find Mr.Mrs. Right. Stop coming up with excuses as to why you can’t meet someone because you’re the reason, you’re holding yourself back. You are in control of your destiny and who YOU want to come along for your ride.

If you need help or have a specific question bring it to the forum at “Ask Jen”.

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