Are You Self Sabotaging Yourself?

Jennifer Lee Woods October 19, 2022 Single and Ready to Mingle 59 Comments

Has anyone ever told you you’re a self saboteur? Have you had so much bad in your life in the short term or long term that when you get something good dropped in your lap you don’t know what to do with it you end up self sabotaging it? Have you been let down so many times, you’re just expecting it to happen now all the time? It must be too good to be true?

Sabotage is bad. Whether you realize your doing it or not. It’s a defense mechanism designed to keep you away from what you desire most because you don’t think you’re worth it, don’t deserve it. You think the floor will bottom out so you inadvertently sabotage it. Say you desire to be loved in the best way, but because of previous events that have happened to you in love, you inadvertently ruin it because you automatically assume you will get hurt. So essentially you think you’re saving yourself. Your sub conscious is trying to protect you from your fears of getting hurt.

The truth is there is no guarantees in life. Whether its in love, money, anything. But you do have a choice. You have to weigh your pros and cons. So say, in regards to money, have you maybe lost big in the stock market? Now you have been presented with what looks like an incredible opportunity. Do you tell yourself this is a bad deal because of previous bad deals that turned sour or do you say, not every deal is the same, this seems profitable and worth taking a chance on?

Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. We attract what we put out into the universe. If I say, I am so unlucky in love, I’m essentially saying, I have the worst luck with men, I can’t ever seem to meet the right guys, so continue to put all the worst men in front of me because that’s all I attract. It’s a very destructive way to think. Instead what I say, which I really do in my life, is, “I only allow good men to come into my life. I am not interested in unhealthy, toxic men that don’t bring value into my life”. It’s that simple.

Do you over analyze or depict every single little thing about someone? I do. It’s one of my worst traits. I will lay awake for hours at night over analyzing a situation, person, or event. Then if I really want to make my life even worse, I let it consume me in other aspects of my life, work, etc. We can pick people apart to try to find things wrong with them or we can say, “Self, STOP, just STOP”. You can only control yourself and how YOU think, not other people. We can worry ourselves sick. Literally. As a result we end up sabotaging all the good of that person. We talked ourselves into believing their fake, lying, or not real.

Again, it’s the Law of Attraction. We attract what we put out into the universe. If I’m dating someone and say they seem too perfect, too good, I can try to find things wrong with them, and I will. Or I can say, “jeez they seem so great, everything that I’m looking for, thank you universe for attracting only good people into my life”.

There are ways you can change your self sabotaging behaviors:

You need to identify the root causes. What or whom in your life has caused you to do this presently? What did they do? Are you in control of them and their behaviors? Have you removed them from your life?
Find your inner Sheerah or Hulk. They were powerful, so are YOU. You just have to believe in yourself. Shout it from the rooftops, your a strong person, stop the negative behavior. Talk to yourself, tell yourself NO MORE.
Talk to friends and family. They know you better than you know yourself probably. They know your strengths and your weakness’. Let them help you see what your doing and what is good for you. Sometimes we can’t see it ourselves and need others to help us open our eyes.
Change your patterns. If you keep losing money in the stock market, stop investing in the stock market, change it up, invest in something else. If you keep dating people that don’t bring value to your life, take a look at what kind of people they are. They probably have the same characteristics, notice the similarities between them.
Make small changes. Start doing little things that make you happy. We are trying to ward off the negativity. Don’t allow negative thoughts in your mind. Keep an open mind. Switch things up. Date different kinds of people. Start new hobbies, things you’ve always wanted to do. Don’t close any one out just yet. Give the opportunity a chance. Do your research. Most importantly, DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT OVER ANALYZE EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING. Don’t talk yourself out of someone. Don’t sabotage a new venture.
Make a list. List all the reasons why you deserve to be loved. Make another list of why you think you don’t deserve to be loved by someone. Are they really “real” reasons? or drummed up reasons? If they are real tangible reasons then work on them, fix them, address them immediately.

GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY.

When your in a good place mentally, you attract good things, healthy things. When you depend on someone else for your happiness, all you will do is attract toxic people and rely on them for happiness and validation. You have to change yourself and your patterns, no one can do that for you. Once you can do that, only good people, good opportunities will come into your life, and only then, will you stop self sabotaging yourself.

If you have a specific situation you need more advice or help on, email me directly or bring it to the forum, at “Ask Jen”.